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| I made this from a broken kitchen chair. |
I've always told myself that blogging was not for me. I told myself I would never blog. I figured that I didn't have the time and I'm computer illiterate but never say never. I've decided that a blog would be a great way to create a record of my life for me and my posterity. I chose "nursenoelsnotes" as my blogspot address because I am a nurse and I'm definitely a person who makes and takes notes. I still have a notepad that I treasure that my brother made for me 20 years ago.
I decided to title my blog "I've Got Joy" for several reasons. First of all, I have been working on feeling more joy in life ."As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7). I believe in self-fulfilling prophecies. The mind is a powerful tool and if I tell myself I have joy, I'm bound to feel happier. Joy is literally a part of my identity. My middle name is Joyce. My wonderful mom is named Merriam Joyce and my daughter, Madeline Joyce, has this great middle name as well and let me tell you that she definitely has joy in her life. You can't help but smile and laugh when you are around Maddie. She is probably one of the happiest people I know. My patriarchal blessing mentions joy four times so I know that if I make wise choices and follow the Lord, I will feel joy and happiness in my life. Incidentally, my "Words with Friends" name is I've Got Joy.
One more note regarding the phrase "I've Got Joy". When my oldest child, Kennedy, was four, she participated in Joy School. One of the songs the kids learned was "Oh Boy, I've Got Joy". That song has stuck with me all these years. It's a bit silly but again, I think that songs have an impact on our thoughts (for good or bad) and these lyrics remind me that I have joy.
I have not always felt joy in my life. In fact, I have struggled with depression for most of my life beginning in junior high. I have over 20 journals filled with depressing thoughts and reflections of my adolescent years. I wore a happy mask and many of my friends never had any idea how I struggled inside. My excessive weight gain during those years was definitely a red flag. My weight directly correlates with my level of happiness and I attribute most of my depression to my battle with obesity. I have struggled with my weight since I was eight years old. Right now I am very happy and it pains me to think about those many sad years. I understand better why there must be opposition in all things because I would never fully appreciate the joy I now feel if I hadn't experienced the dark, dreary, depressing times in my life.
Depression is an awful thing for anyone and it can be seriously debilitating to a person. Some people have a biological predisposition to being depressed, others face life challenges that lead to depression. I began therapy after I graduated from high school. I was also put on anti-depressants. I ended up hospitalized twice on an Eating Disorder unit. I'm sure I will go into more detail about those trying years another time but let me just say the number one thing that changed my life was meeting my Prince Charming, Michael Noel. His unconditional love rescued me from the pit of despair I was wallowing in. The day I married him, I stopped taking anti-depressants (which honestly did nothing for me), stopped therapy (which was a good thing because my therapist was actually causing a lot of future damage) and I decided that I was beginning a new, happier chapter in my book of life.
Over the years depression has reared its ugly head time and time again. I have tried several different anti-depressants but none of them ever seemed to make a bit of difference. So what has helped me deal with depression and feel much happier? Daily prayer and scripture study are an essential part of my life. And I finally found an anti-depressant that really works for me: EXERCISE. Sometimes when I'm on the treadmill, I can't help but shout with joy because I feel those endorphins flowing and wow, they bring immense joy. A good therapist is an invaluable tool as well! I'm not shy to admit that I still see a therapist even now when I need a mental health tune up. Half my kids go to therapy as needed too. I want my kids to learn the valuable things I have learned through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Probably the greatest thing I learned in therapy was Learned Optimism.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_optimism
I am not the poster child for positive thinking (that would be my sister Kyra) but learning how to think in an optimistic light has been such a blessing! Many years ago a talk was given by Elder Eyring that changed my life. http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/10/o-remember-remember?lang=eng I enjoyed the talk but our home teacher's subsequent visit and challenge to keep a journal detailing how we see the hand of God in our lives had a tremendous impact on my life. He gave us a laminated reminder. I had it on my bathroom mirror for years before I had this made (again out of a broken kitchen chair - remember that I have seven kids and things break around here a lot).
Keeping a record of God's hand in my life has drastically changed my mental health and my life. Initially it was hard to recognize God's hand but something interesting soon happened. I actually began to naturally expect to see God's hand in my life every day and suddenly it was as if someone had turned on a light and I was seeing His hand everywhere. How can a person not be happy in life when he or she witnesses God's tender mercies on a daily basis? God loves us and knows us individually. He is aware of our challenges as well as our unique gifts and talents. He wants the best for us. He wants us to be happy. He blesses my life every day and it is often through other people's loving actions that I see God's hand.